And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Randomize
