im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
