my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
