you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
