im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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