Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
