You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
