your room smells of hookers.
And success
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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