Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
