I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Who did Billy Mays play for?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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