As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
