Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
