dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
