I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Sober January is a disaster.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
as a side note pls kill me
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
