he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
