Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize