It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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