dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
