I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
