So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
