im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
