I bet he comes in French.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
