And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
