The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize