He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
