You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
