I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize