I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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