you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
