I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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