Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Say something about gay babies.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
