If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
