Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
