One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
