i jhust puked up my retainher.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
im on a boat
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