so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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