Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
