I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize