I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
