IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Randomize
