This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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