I am midnight drunk by noon
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
