thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
