Your tits are I can't wait for
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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