Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
