he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
