brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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