Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
