Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
