There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
