Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
