I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
