she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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