Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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