Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
