we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
