When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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