I can text with my tongue
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
