Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
