We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
