Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
