Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize