god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
