I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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