don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
