My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
