Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
