Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
he thought i was a dude.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
