Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
there is puke in my bra ... again
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