Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
false alarm, still single
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
