I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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