No stitches, just platelets and will power
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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