We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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